I want to make a zoo with you.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i out mim tonsoeep
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
