Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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