Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
