Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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