when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
