I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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