He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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