margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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