Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize