When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
