Tell her she can't have a vagina
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
