I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i think im in europe. pls send help
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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