Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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