it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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