Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
