I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
