sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She told me I should be a condom model.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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