Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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