these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
people are starting to question the shark bite story
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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