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Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
