i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
