Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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