Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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