I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
