Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
