I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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