I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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