at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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