the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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