The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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