Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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