Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
What drink are we having for lunch?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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