my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
