How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
