I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
