But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
