from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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