Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
