just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
