i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think I have vodka in my lungs
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
