thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
