I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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