This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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