He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
