oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
