Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
