Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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