My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
