oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
