You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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