Your mouth is God's brothel.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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