so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
