Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
