dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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