She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
