i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just pee around me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
