Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
