they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
