tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
What a dumb baby whore.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize