Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
