i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
