You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
