Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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