And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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