I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
