Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
