My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
