She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
