I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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