if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
