So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
